Autumn Talk…

Posted April 18th, 2011 in Ume's Thought 6 Comments »

I know this must be the hormone that affects many women after having a baby, or just because of the daunting weather we had yesterday, but I just couldn’t help but think negative about everything yesterday. I was just tired of doing same things over and over everyday… I know it won’t be forever and I should be more concentrating on Hiro’s growth and be happy about having such a beautiful baby. But when I look at the calendar and clock I realize time passes so quickly and I feel like I’m missing something outside the world!

Before I was pregnant with Hiro, I was under lots of stress.  I didn’t know what I wanted to do in my life and should have been doing for the future.  I wasn’t really happy with my situation that time.  But then, I changed the view of thinking and realized that the worry I had was nothing but just my ego.  I realized what the most important thing in my life is, and since then I’ve been pretty happy with my life and more easygoing.  But yesterday, the feeling came back to me.  Not all of them, but some.

Why yesterday, but not today? Yeah it must be either my hormone or the weather.  I didn’t want to talk to anybody, not even with D (especially because we had a fight over a little thing the day before), so I went out for a drive by myself for a while.  Right after I left home, I started to feel much better.  Staying at home all the time is NOT good!  Then I went back home and emailed my mum and friends (still I wasn’t in the mood for talking). After chatting with them over the emails I felt much much better.  I wish my family and close friends were near I live.

Then I thought about my family and Japan.  The happy memories.  You know, actually the real life is tough.  We dream things, but the reality is not exactly the same as what we dreamed.  I keep saying that “I miss Japan” “I can’t wait to go back to my home”, but the things are not the same as it used to be.  My family use to be 6 people, but now there’re only 3.  My mum doesn’t live there anymore.  My dog and cat are dead.  And everyone is getting old…  Writing this makes me feel depressed, but it’s the reality.  Yet I still live in my memory and want to go back there – the place where reminds me of the life I had before.

Anyway, I’m sure it’s just an Autumn talk… We’ve gotta live!

6 Comments on “Autumn Talk…”

  1. 1 bona said at 3:44 pm on April 18th, 2011:

    I remember I felt the same when my son was around 2 months old. Even though my other family members(my in laws) were living under one roof, I felt isolated.
    Waking up every few hours is very hard.
    But you know, its not too long to go.

  2. 2 umepontarou said at 7:31 am on April 19th, 2011:

    Thank you Bona,
    Yeah I guess it’s just the hormone thing…
    Time passes quickly, which means that he grows up fast too, and I try to enjoy being with baby Hiro. I’m sure I can look back and say “hey I remember I used to feel that way” sometime in future 🙂

  3. 3 Anna said at 8:44 am on April 19th, 2011:

    Ume, cheer up! Yes it IS the hormones playing with your mind (and feelings) – I was the same this time last year with my little one. It made it harder for me then coz my mum was here from Malaysia and she was due to leave Perth soon. I don’t have family members here with me in Perth too (but my hubby has relatives here). Until today, I often think of the years growing up at home with all my family members and friends around me – such wonderful memories.

    BUT now that we’ve got our own families, it’s time to make new memories, don’t u think? 😉 You’re on the right track Ume – try and be positive, and yes, go out for some fresh air whenever you can. 😀

    Hope you’ll have a lovely Easter with your family.

    P/S do post updated photos of little Hiro soon! 😉

  4. 4 umepontarou said at 4:44 am on April 20th, 2011:

    Thanks again, Anna.
    You are right, we’ve gotta make new memories…

    Have a wonderful Easter holiday too! 🙂

  5. 5 Jun. said at 11:43 pm on April 19th, 2011:

    Don’t worry as you’re not alone! It’s our monster hormones! (I classify them under good & monster hormones…haha.)
    Although I’m not yet with a child, I do have such days when i think back terribly on the uni days in Brisbane & the crazy days I’ve spent in Japan! And what the hell am I doing now? (some boring mundane worklife)
    So yes, what i do is to take a walk or just simple sleep it off! Because i know if i start to talk, i’ll prolly never talk, but rant and say crazy stuff.
    Don’t worry, baby Hiro will grow up real fast and one day, you’ll realise baby Hiro will come to you and say “mom, cheer up.” 🙂

  6. 6 umepontarou said at 4:45 am on April 20th, 2011:


    Haha, that’s right 🙂
    Thanks Jun!

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